It’s been awhile since I’ve provided an update on how our resident stroke victim has been doing.
First, the "interesting" bit…
Last Tuesday, while making a bathroom run, she tangled her feet in the bathroom throw rug and fell. After a few days of saying she was okay (but complaining about pain) we finally dragged her to the emergency room. (She’s terrified of leaving the house…)
Turned out that she had a hairline fracture of her upper humerus. Since the fracture is so close to the shoulder, a cast wouldn’t work so well. As such, she’s got her arm in a sling. Of course, since it is her right arm (her stroke-affected arm), she held it immobile anyway. Not much functional difference…
When she was at Carrington Place, she was always excited to see visitors, especially the kids. She kept telling us that she was getting better and she would be able to come home soon.
Once it was time to come home, she was very scared. She said she wasn’t better yet.
At home, any time we asked her if she wanted to go out, she’d get scared and say that she wasn’t ready - that she’d do it when she was better.
We told her that this might be as good as she was going to get, so she should enjoy life as best as she could. Perhaps we were too convincing. She seems to have given up.
Whereas, once upon a time, the kids playing in front of her would fill her with joy, now she just worries that they’ll hurt themselves or break something. She’d rather not look at pictures of our trips, which she once loved to do.
Even at Christmas, she showed no enthusiasm for her gifts or for watching the kids open their gifts:
Like Kel, Karen & Jerry, the caregiver (Monday - Saturday, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.) will usually make her walk to the bathroom and to the dining room. (Although Nana complains…)
Outside of bathroom trips and meals (and an occasional bath), Nana never leaves her chair in the sunroom. She doesn’t care what is on the television. Sometimes Kel will put a movie on, some type of movie like they used to watch together. No interest. Her only interests are going to the bathroom, getting her shots (insulin), meal time (although she has no comment on the actual food) and bed time.
Every now and again, we can see a spark of her old mischievous self. Maybe a smart aleck comment or a smile at a joke. Rare though.
She is self-conscious of her inability to say the words that she wants to say. I think that has really caused her to withdraw. Although, she can speak pretty clearly when irritated - but if she stops to think about what she is saying then she usually gets it wrong. Since her world has contracted so much, it is pretty easy to know that, when she tells us, "I need, can have, my fish", she means she wants her blanket. Or if she says, "The wall, I mean, please house!", means she wants us to turn on the light…
Bottom line? She’s given up on life and is just waiting to die. I sometimes wonder if she’d be happier in a home without the pressure (self-inflicted) to be her old self.
Pop is getting worse as well. His dementia is gradually increasing. His health seems pretty stable - no recent heart, prostate or other problems of the past, although he does seem weaker. After Nana’s fall, he was told that he shouldn’t walk her to the bathroom. I think that’s a bad idea - helping her out (walking her to the bathroom, getting her a drink, getting her blanket, etc.) is about all he can handle anymore. (He does still put away the dishes from the dishwasher in the morning, although I’d rather he didn’t. When it comes time for me to cook dinner, I have problems finding stuff… Plus, he sometimes puts away stuff that has not yet been washed and I have to go through all the cabinets looking for rinsed-but-not-washed dishes. And hoping that I got all of them…)
I’ve been told to stop buying ice cream - Keira and Haley are upset, but Pop eats too much and apparently it leads to diarrhea (and he is too proud to wear his Depends) which leads to major messes…
He hasn’t had (many? any?) rage episodes recently, which is a relief. I guess I’m safe from his killer angels for the time being…
If I’ve gotten any of this wrong, hopefully Kel or Jerry can comment with the correct info…
You got it about right, except the emergency room visit. She went to her normal doctors where they could take the x-ray. She kept telling us that she was better and that she didn’t need to go. So next time, we just take her. The funny thing about her arm was that there was no bruising or swelling. In fact, she was complaining about her wrist, not her upper arm. So it appeared fine. Again, next time we just take her.
Regarding Mom’s withdrawal, it’s painful. Hardly anything engages her. I believe I’ve already lost my mother and yet I see her shell sitting in the sunroom every day. At least she recognizes me which is better than if she had Alzheimer’s.
Dad on the other hand is a stable for now. At least as far as his health is concerned. But he too has left us. Instead of my father, there is this weird skinny guy who thinks he’s a “beyonder” and is only one letter away from being a multi-millionaire.
Even though that’s been going on for quite some time, it still pains me when he has to tell complete strangers about how he is “special.” He was always special to me. Now he’s just some old weird guy who smells funny and loses his temper when you tell him that his psychics are trying to milk him for every last penny they can.
Growing old stinks, figuratively and literally.
Comment by Kelleigh — 25 March 08 @ 8:32 am
This was a very poignant post; the photo of “Nana” at Christmas time nearly made me cry.
Frighteningly, I found myself nodding in understanding/agreement with a lot of what you describe of her withdrawal and lack of interest. Has she been evaluated or offered treatment for depression?
I’m ashamed to admit it, but I don’t think I could do what y’all are doing - I admire you both so much for your devotion and dedication in this situation. What a wonderful example for the kids.
Comment by elayne — 25 March 08 @ 11:16 am
Hi Doug,
It’s been a long time since I checked in with you, but I do think about you and your family fairly often.
I’m sorry about Kel’s folks being this way; getting old sucks but the alternative isn’t so attractive either. I feel for your family, and I agree with Elayne.
We went through similar with my in-laws and my mother, all suffered from dementia and its various glorious forms, and all are gone, and now my dad is starting to “go away” too. He’ll be 90 next month, and starting to fade a little. We keep giving him something, some little event to look forward to like dinner with a distant relative, a small trip (he flew to Seattle to visit our daughters and drove back to LA with us so that’s really a big trip) or a birthday party, with the idea that it will keep him with us, but we can see that his interest in being here is waning.
Take care.
Jeanne, aka Pie
Comment by Pie — 16 June 08 @ 6:18 pm